Blue Marina And The Diamonds
23 November 2015, 15:10
Am I doing 'life' wrong?
There's always those Instagram accounts... the ones that really make you think if you're doing life wrong. Considering nearly ALL OF THE INSTAGRAMS are guilty of committing this crime... compiling this list was a tricky feat but we've narrowed down the main culprits. As of this day, we've officially given up trying to make our Instagrams the most aesthetically pleasing corners of the social web. Goodbye.
Niomi's Instagram literally IS one of the most aesthetically pleasing places we've ever had pleasure of visiting on the whole world wide web, and ugh, we can't handle it. Like us, she's a twenty-something living in London... so why does our Instagram look like a dead salmon compared to her glorious, glistening tropical fish. Oh, and we can guarantee that if the weather outside is enough to make us carry an umbrella, our hair does NOT look as perfect as Niomi's does underneath it. Maybe we're all just holding our umbrellas the wrong way?
You may know Queen Melissa as Rihanna's Ride Or Die. Her instagram is a perfect mix of the 'I'm Too Cool To Even Acknowledge You' vibe and 'If I Was Your Friend Your Life Would Be 100x Better' vibe. There's also like, the perfect amount of thigh to clothing ratio. We need to get on her level ASAP. Maybe we should find some new friends that will post arty pictures of us and support our *successful music career? (*We do not have a successful music career. That will never happen.)
Derek's Instagram offends us on so many levels. He's friends with literally EVERYONE. Like, do his friends care that he hangs out with so many people because we guarantee if we posted a pic with half the squad, we'd get a text 5 minutes later asking why the other half of the squad wasn't invited out. Do you think he ever gets those texts?! Conclusion: We need famous friends and our own G6 airplane.
He is having too much fun in exotic places and we just can’t stand it. Maybe we should all just get over our fears of flying longer than 6 hours and live the Louis Cole dream? But… honestly, if we travelled that much, we’d get so behind on American Horror Story and the spoilers would just get too difficult to avoid.
First of all, how this plastic Queen has got more Instagram followers than us is too much - she's not even funny. Maybe we should all just move to the Pacific North West, buy a khaki utility jacket and a grey beanie and just stop trying so hard?! Also, she looks so good in those glasses... when we try and wear statement eyewear, we end up looking more like Roz from Monster's Inc.
How can a 16 year old be so cultured? Maybe that's where we all went wrong... maybe we should have been taking weekend trips to Paris and hanging around art galleries when we were teenagers instead of hanging out on Habbo Hotel and complaining at the dial up modem speed? Oh, to think of what our Instagrams could have been.
This Instagram is giving us such unrealistic expectations of life right now we can hardly cope. If you added up all the notes that’ve passed through our hands in all our years, we still wouldn’t be richer than these cats. Somehow, we don't think emptying that piggy bank full of pennies onto the floor and then posing with our basic Michael Kors watches is going to cut it. Maybe we should just try hustling a bit harder?!