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25 November 2015, 16:52
Let's consider the options.
It's an age old problem. Actually, that's lie; texting was only invented in 1992, so it is a 23 year old problem.
But still, breaking up with someone is never easy. Unless you're a heartless bastard who doesn't care about DESTROYING other people's EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS despite the fact that they've only shown you LOVE AND SUPPORT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
Forever-forlorn glamour-puss Lana Del Rey has faced this dilemma herself. In an interview with The Scottish Sun, her ex-boyfriend and Kassidy frontman Barrie-James O'Neill divulged that Lana sent him a text to confirm the break up, after she let slip in an interview. "She couldn’t say it to my face," he said, "but there’s no blood between us."
Now, we're not going to debate how or why Lana dumped her boyfriend; that's between them. But how to dump someone is an interesting topic that, if you're anything like me and my friends, you've probably discussed many times before.
Perhaps you're thinking of dumping your boyfriend/girlfriend and you want some options. Maybe you just enjoy upsetting people. Whatever your reasoning, we've come up with a couple of dumping options and discussed their pros and cons. Let us know your hot takes in the comments.
Callous, cowardly, c*nty; all words used by people that have been dumped by text. Yet, the beauty of texting is that it's a quick and clean cut. It’s the guillotine of dumping tools. All you need is to block your (now) ex on all social media and you’re pretty much rid of them. It’s an attractive option, possibly more attractive than your boyfriend.
Let's face it, do you really want to have a sit down chat and detail every personal quality you detest? Or recount the exact moment you decided you didn't love them anymore? Probably not. But if you've been with them a long time, we'd suggest you should try talking to them, unless they're an awful person, then don't even worry about it, hun.
Who the f- even emails their boyfriend? Seriously, GTFOH.
I like this option. Think of it as a bonding exercise between friends. Hell, you’re gonna be spending a lot more time together now he's gone. You might as well start as you mean to go on and be a double tornado of emotional turmoil, tearing down hearts and egos with no mercy.
Perhaps your boyfriend is a Game of Thrones fan? Kill two birds with one stone: dump him and ruin his favourite show by a message delivered by carrier pigeon. Then he will know how those poor Starks felt every time ravens flew into Winterfell #RIPNedStark
This one is for all the pop-punk kids out there. Hold on the pepperoni though, they don't deserve it. You can also use this mode of communication to let your dad know you hate him.
Because the words 'you're dumped' will always sound better set against a lilting melody sung in G Major. It would go down like this:
Ghosting is a little like farting in a lift. Silent but very deadly. To be honest, if you really are going to ignore someone, lets not pretend it's to "save their feelings", admit that it's because you're too lazy to spent 15 minutes on a decent text message. And because you're a wimp. If dumping by text was considered to be the worst of the worst, then ghosting must surely now take the mantel. What on earth would Casper say.