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2 December 2015, 15:23
So many lies.
Remember when Destiny's Child released one of the best Christmas songs the world has ever heard? You know the one... the one where Beyoncé reels off all the expensive presents her BAE bought her for Christmas while Kelly and Michelle provide backing vocals. It's a classic!
the only relevant christmas song in my eyes is destinys child 8 days of christmas.— bradley (@bradleyxbright) November 30, 2015
Sadly, it's time we faced the harsh reality that the gifts under your tree will never be anything like Beyoncé's baller Christmas list. They've been lying to us the whole time.
Cost: £2.5 Million for the Cartier diamond and a pair of SS16 shades fresh off the runway.
What you’re really getting: A pair of bent sunglasses from Topshop and a pack of 3 Neon belly rings from Claire's Accessories.
What you're really getting: A foot massage? HA! Dream on! Shouted at for not texting back, more like!
Cost: £3220 for a gold satin Givenchy cropped jacket and some distressed Cavalli denim.
What you're really getting: A jacket from the clearance stock at ZARA but it’s only cropped because it’s too small for you. And some actual dirty jeans. Wah.
What you're really getting: A string of cringeworthy Tinder messages from that guy you matched with last Tuesday.
Cost: Expensive! We're talking about a table at an exclusive restaurant, we’re talking bottles and bottles of Armand De Brignac.
What you're really getting: A trip to Nando's only because BAE has saved up 10 Chilis for a free whole chicken.
Price: A Premium Tidal Subscription. $25.99 a month.
What you're really getting: A 30-day trial of Amazon Prime that is not going to get renewed.
Cost: Around £75k for the latest top of the range Mercedes Coupe.
What you're really getting: DEFINITELY NOT A CAR!!
What you're really getting: Quality T-I-M-E to spend ~ALONE~ while your BAE plays on his new Xbox. Ugh.