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He so cute.
I had never considered myself paternal. I always thought children were for people with nothing better to do. But as I stared into the eyes of this man-child, I realised I had a greater purpose in life: adoption.
I would buy oversized clothes because everybody looks good in oversized clothes.
I could fulfil my ambition of becoming a stage mom like Dina Lohan. What a better way to make a living than mooching off my famous child? This was definitely the life for me.
...he would pose with up-and-coming artists to help their fledgling careers. Even if he thought their music sucked, he'd still do it, because I'd raise him to be generous and gracious.
But every kid does! I would make sure I would take pictures that I could pawn to Hello! or The National Enquirer at a later date.
They will photoshop pictures of themselves together to trick their fans into thinking they hang out IRL.
So be it.
But more importantly, he'll pay for my botox.
Like transferring all his money into my bank account or sending sub-tweets of my behalf.
I would never have considered adoption and all the joys that a child can bring. Thank you, Troye. Thank you very much.