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9 November 2015, 16:50
You never forget your first love.
If you're watching lots of TV, you're coveting lots of TV boyfriends. It's just a fact of life. Thanks to television's unrealistic standards of beauty, you were probably surprised when your first real life boyfriend wasn't a clean shaven 30 year old with the body of a God.
If we're talking about TV boyfriends who were single handedly responsible for your sexual awakening, the early to mid 2000s had some clear frontrunners.
Everyone remembers Jess Mariano from Gilmore Girls. He represented the absolute best and worst of what TV boyfriends had to offer. He was rude, constantly blew Rory off, and Lorelai hated him. On the other hand, that haircut was actually life changing. Slay me, Jess. Lusting after Jess certainly convinced you that your next boyfriend would be a hunky Italian-American mechanic, didn't it.
I know we were supposed to be rooting for Stefan to win Elena's heart but all the wide-shots of Damon Salvatore's abs make for some treacherous thoughts. Vampire Diaries came about at the height of the Vampire craze (thanks, Stephanie Meyer) and, at this point, the thought of having an undead, centuries old boyfriend is kind of normal. I mean, if your boyfriend is going to be undead, he might as well look like Damon Salvatore.
Seth Cohen is the TV boyfriend we all deserve. Smart, polite, and armed with a weird streak that just won't quit. Every comic book and film reference Seth spouted made you swoon with the enthusiasm of someone who didn't yet realise that Seth was a limited edition TV boyfriend. Where else are you going to find a boyfriend that likes Death Cab For Cutie and collects figurines? They're a rare breed.
Be still my heart. One Tree Hill's Lucas Scott was the TV boyfriend to end all TV boyfriends. He wasn't always faithful but he read books and quoted Tennessee Williams and that was enough for me. Doing TV may have killed Chad Michael Murray's career but it didn't kill your massive crush on the conventionally attractive star of One Tree Hill. You loved him, don’t lie.
Is it weird that I consider Blair and Chuck's story as one of the greatest love stories ever told? Too far? Too much? Chuck was what most of us would call a "bad person" but, for some reason, when his eyes smouldered on screen in didn’t really matter than he would likely buy your home just to evict you for fun. He taught you everything you need to know about rich boys and that what we call an "important lesson".