The April Ludgate Guide To Achieving Peak Sarcasm
3 November 2015, 17:32
Too sassy 4 U.
SARCASTIC HUMANS OF THE WORLD... Did you hear? Your sarcasm is now considered the highest form of intelligence!
According to some super clever people at one of those super shiny American Universities, sarcastic people were found to be way more creative than those who aren't #blessed with the skill. Researchers revealed that... "all forms of sarcastic exchanges, not just sarcastic anger or criticism, seem to exercise the brain more." TAKE THAT, MUM!
We've complied a 10 step guide on how to strengthen your sass game and ensure your survival for when the aliens arrive from one of TV's leading experts, April Ludgate... who, as we all know, could probably destroy the universe in one sarcasm-soaked sentence.
1) Just like April, sarcasm should be like a second language to you at this point in your life.
2) You should never let people know when you're being serious. It shows weakness.
3) And you should never EVER reveal your true emotions. It's more fun that way.
4) Know your audience. It makes for an easy intimidation tactic.
5) Each sarcastic remark you make will add 3 years onto the life of that super intelligent brain of yours...
6) ... so you should always try to deliver sassy constructive criticism where necessary. Make them count.
7) If you don't have an iconic fake laugh in your repertoire... GET ONE.
8) You know you've reached peak sarcasm when you stumble upon this dilemma. The peasants won't know what to think.
9) And next time someone says that your sense of humour is an "acquired taste"...
10) ...remember that you are *scientifically* one of the most superior form on this earth.