Why Does Everyone Want To Bang McDonald's New Mascot?

7 May 2015, 15:55 | Updated: 8 May 2017, 17:09

New Hamburglar
Liam Dryden

By Liam Dryden

The Hamburglar's got a new look, and... well... damn.

Hot dads: they're the internet's biggest weakness. I bet you're thinking of a hot dad right now, and if you weren't; well, now you are. You're welcome.

But apparently somebody told McDonald's our secret, and inevitably they've unveiled a sexy new reboot to a much-tolerated mascot. No, it's not Ronald McDonald with boobs, you weirdo. 

Yup, the baby-faced Big Mac-pinching rascal that is the Hamburglar is all grown up, and his beef-induced kleptomania has grown with him. Now a chilled, suburban hot dad, the Hamburglar returns from retirement to target Mickey D's new Sirloin Third Pound Burger. It's bigger, or something.

He also gets a slick, new, vaguely hipster-ish look, complete with ironic burger tie and knockoff Yeezys. Don't think we wouldn't notice.

New Hamburglar

And of course, rather than getting the Greater Internet's tummies rumbling for burgs, McDonald's have inadvertently caused a global thirst.

Yep, people officially want to bang the Hamburglar. Welcome to 2015.

We really shouldn't be shocked at this point. Remember the Old Spice Guy?

Continuing research on this subject inspired us to search, out of morbid, morbid curiosity, the phrase "burgle my ham". And while we weren't disappointed, your mothers definitely are.

So there is the news. The Hamburglar is hot now, and the internet is nasty. 

New Hamburglar

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