Daniel Howell opens up about attempt to take his own life in new book extract
12 May 2021, 15:13 | Updated: 12 May 2021, 15:57
You will Get Through This Night will be released on May 18.
TRIGGER WARNING: Some readers may find details of this story upsetting
We all know the YouTuber for being one half of hilarious YouTube duo Dan & Phil with his best friend Phil Lester. Daniel has been open about his mental health with his subscribers for a while now. In 2017, he shared a video titled 'Daniel and Depression' about living with depression.
Although Daniel has been open about his mental health, he has promised to "bare his soul" in his upcoming book, which is a practical guide on managing your mental health with help from psychologists. On Tuesday (May 11), Dan posted some emotional exerts from the book on Instagram, which will be released on May 18.
In the introduction, Daniel explains how behind his facade he was actually struggling: "I found myself wading aimlessly through a dense fog of stress, panic, panic and low energy, which eventually sent me sliding down into a black hole that I couldn't climb out of. I came to learn that I wasn't looking after my mental health, and in reality I was stressed, anxious and severely depressed."
He also opened up about attempting to take his own life when he was a teenager whilst he was also struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. "Trying to survive the Battle Royale post-apocalypse hellscape of an all-boys school, in a society that was broadly homophobic, drilled into me that I was essentially defective," he explained. "I felt guilty for being 'bad', so could not turn to anyone to talk about how I felt about this shameful part of myself. Without getting into too much traumatic detail, it was pretty terrible.
"Constantly outcast, tired of the constant physical and verbal abuse I suffered everywhere I turned, every day, feeling like I was fundamentally flawed and there was no escape in sight – I attempted to take my own life. Thankfully, it failed."
Daniel is still coming to terms with his sexuality, however, he hopes his personal account will help those in need. On Instagram, he wrote: "I'm baring all of my soul in this book with the wish that you might not have to endure the same struggles i have. Somehow i still feel scared talking about how i really feel or my sexuality (which i imagine will be a much longer journey) ..being open and vulnerable doesn’t come naturally to me but with this at least some good can come out of what i have been through.
"In one week this story will no longer be mine – it will be out into the world and yours. i hope it helps."