21 Tragic Signs You're Getting Too Old For This Sh*t

24 March 2017, 16:42 | Updated: 28 November 2018, 13:25

Katy Perry and grandma
Katie Louise-Smith

By Katie Louise-Smith

Please, not another night out!

If you clicked, then all nighters and spontaneous decisions are probably now fond, distant memories for you... aren't they? And the thought of living life like your once legendary 18-year-old self just makes you want to curl into a ball and cry. WELL SAME HERE.

Here are 21 more torpedos of truth for you to scroll through while you weep about how old you let yourself get. Wah.


1) You literally can’t start your day without coffee.

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Long gone are the days of being able to last until midday without some form of caffeine.

2) Your guilty pleasures are no longer guilty. 

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Remember when you used to un-tick all your cringe music on iTunes just incase your friends saw? Now you literally don't even care what embarrassing song plays next on shuffle.


3) Following questionable fashion trends is something you don't do anymore.

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Why do you all have blue hair? Why are your jeans so ripped?! WHO MADE MAN BUNS A THING?!


4) The thought of queueing to get into a club sends a chill down your spine.

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I don't care if the Chuckle Brothers are doing a guest appearance is doing a set... I'm not queueing. And that's that.

5) The Bouncer doesn’t even ID you anymore.

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So rude. 

6) All that loud music offends you.

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Enough of the EDM! Just put on some Backstreet Boys bangers and be done with it, DJ!


7) You won't stand for budget Red Bull in your Jägerbombs. 

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I'm not paying £4.50 for you to pour some fake cheap brand into the glass. No. Not having it.


8) Actually, Jägerbombs in general.

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Pass me a chilled glass of Pinot Greej and I'll be on my way. 


9) You'd rather waste your entire pay check on cabs than get the nightbus. 

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I don't care how much money it costs, cabs get you back to bed quicker.


10) Forget the clubs... you'd rather have a quiet night in the pub with good chat and great friends. 

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Even better... a cup of tea, at home, alone, in bed. Good night.

11) Hangovers are no longer a 45 minute job. You’re out of action for at least 24 hours. 

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The older you get, the worse they become. 

12) Besides, you’ve got way too many responsibilities to deal with a hangover these days.

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*cries into a pile of bills and paperwork*


13) You haven't got time for sneaky subtweets anymore.

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We're all adults now, so just say it to my face! Life is too short for indirects! 


14) It genuinely took you 100 years to find out what ’Thot' meant…

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I can't keep up with the kids these days.

15) Eating bread as a casual snack is no longer acceptable. 

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One baguette is worth at least 3 hours on the cross trainer. Ain't nobody got time for that.

16) You cringe at the thought of a 'Group Holiday'.

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When you were 18, it's all you ever really wanted to do. Now, you can't think of anything worse.

17) Your skincare game is now a serious and methodological strategy and it is NOT to be reckoned with.

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I bet you've already started trying to ward off the wrinkles early, haven't you?

18) The thought of sleeping on the floor of your mates bedroom is unbearable.

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Honestly, I'd rather just make the 3 hour journey home to sleep in my own bed.

19) Agreeing to disagree with anyone who is younger than you.

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I'm big, you're small. I'm right, you're wrong and there's NOTHING you can do about it.

20) You cringe at the sight of 'Facebook Official' announcements.

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What used to be a novelty is now the bane of your entire existence.


21) You nodded your head at almost every single point on this list, didn't you?

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Friends, we regret to inform you that you're officially too old for this sh*t.

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