How To Date Your Fave: A Scarily Accurate Step By Step Guide
20 January 2016, 11:58 | Updated: 8 May 2017, 17:09
Nothing could possibly go wrong, I swear.
If you're anything like the rest of us, you've definitely dreamed about getting with your celebrity crush. Like, in your mind, it is totally plausible that Zayn Malik might show up to your house one day and tell you he has seen your tweets and wants to date now.
One fan who tweeted Wizards of Waverly Place bro, Jake T Austin for five years, got to see her fantasy become a reality when she found herself in an actual relationship with Jake T Austin.
First of all, congrats, girl. Second of all, do you teach classes?
In case this mastermind isn't teaching lessons on how to land your bae, here are some 100% serious, not joking ways to date your fave.
Phase 1: Tweet like no one is watching.
Tweet your future boo like you have nothing to lose. Tweet them regularly with sexually ambiguous phrases like "daddy". Make sure if they ever look into their mentions, you're all they see. Tweet like a drunk baby who really wants a date.
gif via tumblr
Phase 2: Get a Phd in your fave
What city do they live in? What's their favourite Starbucks to get coffee? Favourite bar? Favourite restaurant? Who is their best friend? Can you "bump into" them without seeming totally obvious? Make sure you know every single piece of auxiliary information there is to know about this person. You never know when it could come in handy.
image via The Office
Phase 3: Slide into those DMs, honey.
Do you know how many famous people hook up with non-famous people via Instagram/Twitter DMs? A lot. That's how many. Granted, they're usually married basketball players hooking up with university students but that's completely beside the point.
gif via dontpaniconline
Phase 4: Infiltrate the squad
At this point, you probably know everything there is to know about your fave, including every member of their squad. Carefully trail their Instagram and twitter posts (do they have location settings enabled? Even better), go to where they are, "bump into" a high ranking member of their squad and strike up a conversation. Eventually exchange numbers and get invited to their next big party. You're in.
gif via Mean Girls
Phase 5: Close the deal
It's the moment of truth. You get invited to a party and you see bae from across the room. Suddenly, he sees you. You're wearing a Distillers t-shirt and eating an apple because that's his favourite band and his favourite fruit. (You know this because you've done your research). He sees you and mentions it. You're in. You talk all night and exchange numbers on your way out. Three days later he calls to see if you want to get coffee. You have two coffee dates before he asks you to dinner. You date for a month before you become "official". Two years later he proposes. You're finally going to be Mrs. Whoever. You get married and he never knows the amount of effort you put into landing him. The odds were ever in your favor.