85% of gay people are possessed by ghosts, study claims
29 October 2020, 14:30
No exorcism needed.
Haven't you heard? You're not actually born gay. Homosexuality is caused by ghosts. According to a study from the Spiritual Science Research Foundation, 85% of gay people are possessed by ghosts. Right…
The Spiritual Science Research Foundation (who also believe coronavirus is caused by "powerful negative energies in the spiritual dimension") actually think that the ghost "overpowers the person's normal behaviour to produce the homosexual attraction".
"The main reason behind the gay orientation of some men is that they are possessed by female ghosts," the study read. "And the female ghost in them that is attracted to other men." The study claimed that the opposite happened if you were a lesbian. Lesbians are apparently possessed by male ghosts.
Not only are gay people possessed, apparently they're also "murderous", say "bad words" and enjoy being "nude" *clutches pearls*.
Researchers found that homosexuality actually invites the use of "bad words" 1% of the time. 3% of LGBTQ+ people are "in the nude among others" and 13% could be violent. Sorry, more bad news: 100% of LGBTQ+ people are "murderous", that's why you only see murders committed by members of the LGBTQ+ community. Oh, wait…
As if this highly-unscientific study wasn't hilarious enough, the ghosts encourage the LGBTQ+ community to "display their homosexuality in a shameless and even aggressive manner". Yep, they have a problem with Pride too.
Apparently, Pride parades emit negative energy for up to 10 kilometres and that energy spreads further throughout the day.
If you ask us a lil' ghost possession couldn't be anymore fitting than the lead up to Halloween.