Billie Eilish says she considered taking her own life
24 January 2020, 16:20
"I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17."
[WARNING: This article contains content that some may find distressing and triggering.]
Ever since Billie Eilish first rose to fame, she's been extremely candid about her depression and suicidal thoughts. Her latest single 'everything i wanted' directly addresses a dream she had in which she jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge and her 2019 hit 'bury a friend' includes lyrics in which she appears to actively consider suicide. Billie sings: "I wanna end me."
Ahead of Billie's debut performance at the Grammys this Sunday (26 Jan), Gayle King sat down with her to discuss the ins and outs of her career and life to date. During the interview, Billie revealed that she almost took her own life in 2018.
Billie explained: "I was so unhappy last year. I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless." She then continued: "I genuinely didn't think I would make it to 17."
Gayle asked Billie if her suicidal lyrics are based on real experiences and thoughts she's had. Billie confirmed that they were and that there was a time when she genuinely thought about ending her life.
In response to Gayle, Billie said: "Yeah." She then went on: "I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it." Gayle asked Billie what stopped her and Billie said: "My mum."
Billie also said that therapy, her family at large, and her fans got her out of that negative space. And now she tries to help fans going through the same thing. "I just grab them by the shoulders and I’m like, 'Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further.'"
Billie previously opened up to Rolling Stone about having body dysmorphia and how she self-harmed in her early years as a teenager. She said: "I think that’s when the depression started. It sent me down a hole. I went through a whole self-harming phase – we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain."
Billie's mother Maggie Baird told Gayle King that it's the "fans and the shows" that keep Billie going.
If you or anyone you know is in need of help, you can seek advice by contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline via 1-800-273-8255 in the US and Samaritans via 116 123 in the UK.