3 Totally Legit Theories As To WTF Is Going On In Lorde’s New Video

30 September 2015, 12:07 | Updated: 8 May 2017, 17:09

Nicky Idika

By Nicky Idika

Welp. This is a big ball of confusing.

Guys, Lorde is BACK! Joining forces with dance duo Disclosure, our fave Kiwi has slyly released a proper banger called "Magnets". 

However, we have something that we need to talk about and it involves the video. To be honest, we thought that it was a simple affair - Lorde playing a witchy adulterer who wrecks havoc on an unsuspecting man. 

Yet the closer we looked the more confused we become. Why is the sky purple? Why are there two moons? Who is the woman with the straight hair? Why is Lorde wearing an amazingly shiny black coat? 

The possibilities are endless, and here are three totally legit theories as to WTF is going on in the "Magnets" video.

Theory One:

The video for “Magnets” is obviously set in a different universe, as exemplified by the purple sky and double moon, and Lorde is an alien empress come to stop the end of all things.

The video opens as two spaceships can be seen in the background hovering over what looks like some version of L.A.. It’s clear that these ships have just dropped Lorde off at a house party where, on a mission from the grand command of her own plant, she is to apprehend a man who intends to destroy the universe.

To get closer to the man, Lorde must infiltrate his home and become his concubine while the princess of this domain, an older woman with straight hair, remains unaware.

Inspired by a legendary tome handed down by the elders of her own planet entitled “50 Shades…”, Lorde uses her sexual prowess to begin her attack and lull the evil man into a false sense of security. Donning the Black Coat Of Disaster, which acts as a disarming mechanism, Lorde uses her infamous claw dance to trap the evil man.

Once apprehended, Lorde ties the villain to a chair and pushes him into firewater. Lighting a spark, the chemicals turn to flame, ensuring that the world, the universe and everything she holds dear is safe once more. AK

Theory Two:


Well it’s quite obvious. Lorde is a dominatrix con artist trying to rid the world of all the rich handsome men and steal all their valuable possessions at the same time.

Why? Because she’s Lorde and she will do whatever she bloody wants. Plus the exchange rate for New Zealanders is really bad so she could probably do with the extra $$$.

Notice when she’s making out with the guy, you can’t see her hands? That’s because she’s slipping them into his pockets to steal his phone. That’s a classic Lorde thing to do. She goes back a second time for his wallet (it was stuck in his back pocket before…occupational hazard, I guess?) Once she’s got everything she wants, she kills him because that’s the only rational thing to do in these situations.

Simple. WW


Theory Three:

Lorde is a woman on a mission. Our mystery man is the only witness to a crime Lorde committed 5 years ago when she was working her way through medical school on a waitresses salary. Since then, she is been to prison ( on a trumped up weapons charge) and learned a few things about how to keep a witness quiet. 

She knows the rule of "double jeopardy", that you can't be convicted of the same crime twice, but she is hiding a bigger secret--one that he knows. First she must get him to trust her, then she must destroy him. 

Incidentally, once she unravels his life by creating tension in his marriage, she is creating the circumstances for his wife to take the fall for his poolside "accident". What's it called? Oh, yeah. Probable cause, motive, and a body. NI 

EH. What do we know?