10 Things Ed Sheeran Can Do With His Nokia 3310 While Escaping Life

2 October 2015, 16:47 | Updated: 8 May 2017, 17:09

ed sheeran
Woodrow Whyte

By Woodrow Whyte

The best phone ever made. Fact.

Ed Sheehan is planning a getaway and not just a holiday to the Seychelles. He wants to get all Bear Grylls on this sh*t.

After a long 18 months of promotion and touring, he's decided to take some time away to recoup and plan his next move. In a series of tweets he said that, "My plan is to get rid of my iPhone, get rid of the internet, get a Nokia 3310 and just go off into the wilderness somewhere for a bit."

Well babes, we're glad you mentioned the iconic Nokia 3310. Once written off as a relic of telephone communication, it is, in fact, an essential survival tool for any artist considering an expedition into the wild. 

We've made a handy list of things Ed can do with his 3310 once he arrives in the wilderness. 

1) Change up your style every day.

In terms of phone cases, the possibilities are endless with the 3310. From toys, brands, food, popstars - you name it, they got it. You will never go out of style. 

2) Play Snake until it eats it's own tail. Repeat.

Taytay might have cats but you've got a very long square snake with a insatiable appetite for black spots to feed. You're officially too busy for friends. Being a recluse never felt less lonely.

3) Battery for life. 

You could charge the 3310 once and be good for months! Head out into the wilderness safe in the knowledge that you can always phone in the helicopter once you run out of snacks.

4) Hunting just got a lot easier.

These things are built to do some damage. They're indestructible. One blow to the head and that juicy-looking caribou is yours. One smack in the eye will deal with any pesky bears, too. Solid as a rock.

5) Find your inner zen.

The beauty of the 3310 is in it's simplicity. Basic doesn't do it justice. This will help guide your path to find inner peace in all other parts of your life. 

6) Embrace your feminine side.

Phone charms? Yes. You need this. A phone isn't just a phone, it's a fashion accessory. Match your charm with your eyeshadow and lipstick and you'll be the hottest thang in 200km radius.

7) Welcome messages will help you craft your lyrics.

It's got a short character limit which will encourage you to write short, witty rhymes. The more inspirational, the better.

8) Get a six-pack.

Babes, the vibrate function on this literally causes earthquakes. Harness that power into abs of steel. 

9) Write your entire album on ringtone composer and watch world domination pt. 3 happen before your very eyes.

Who needs guitars when you can write melodies on the ringtone composer? Given the rise of PC Music in the last 12 months, you'll be very on trend. As the above video attests, you're in for a hit.

10) Ignore any texts or calls and blame 'phone issues'.

This is the greatest get-out clause ever. The phone is so unreliable, you can literally ignore any communication and say, "Sorry mate, my phone is f*cking shit and stuff doesn't come through". You never need to attend a Calvin Harris concert ever again.

You can do it, Ed. Be free. Don't forget to text us when you're back!