Dear NME, We Get It: You Like Noel Gallagher

18 December 2015, 11:00 | Updated: 8 May 2017, 17:09

Noel Gallagher zzzzz
Nicky Idika

By Nicky Idika

Now, can we talk about something else?

Dear NME, 

Hey guys. Love what you've done with the mag! (Rihanna on the cover of the first issue? Iconic.) Just having a fun little read of your "People Of The Year" issue and, I have to say, it's a bit....jaunty.

Most of the names on the list are spot on of these names is not like the others--if you catch my drift.

Taylor Swift's 1989 dominated absolutely everything, Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly was truly breathtaking and Mhairi Black became the most inspiring addition to British Parliament...ever. But, Noel Gallagher....our old pal Noel. Well, we're not sure he makes the cut when it comes to people who deserve to be named "people of the year". 

Simply put, Noel Gallagher is tiresome. His music is great, don't get me wrong, but his opinions are truly un-inspired. What a shock, Noel hates Kanye West. What a surprise, Noel hates One Direction. How innovative, Noel isn't into Ed Sheeran. What a revelation, Noel Gallagher doesn't like Alex Turner. 

Guys, I hate to say it, but maybe it's time to retire the Noel Gallagher obsession.

The way you applaud Noel for saying controversial stuff is a bit like the girl who tries a little too hard to get the attention of the class bad boy. When others are actively changing the face of music and culture for the better, "he made us laugh" seems like a pretty dry reason to include a curmudgeonly windbag to an otherwise solid list. 

Your relaunch was so important to music. 2015 was the year you were meant to bring fresh ideas and perspective to music journalism. Noel Gallagher's only perspective is that if he doesn't like it, it's not music. As fans of pop, alt, rap, and good music in general, people like Noel mess with the all important ~vibes that come along with being a music lover. Simply put, all the Coconut Oil in the world could never fix Noel's terrible attitude about music. 

So, for that reason, I'd like to propose the following names as alternatives to Noel Gallagher: 

Troye Sivan 
J-Lo's legs  
Zayn Malik
The Pope
That Uber driver I had that one time
Jeremy Corbyn
Missy Elliot
The Weeknd
Literally anyone else 

But I mean, it's your magazine, fam. Do what you want. 

Bored of Noel 

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