Meghan Trainor's explicit press release has gone viral
18 February 2019, 16:27 | Updated: 18 February 2019, 16:34
Someone on Meghan Trainor's team needs a cold shower and a pay rise because they truly snapped.
Meghan Trainor has a new EP, The Love Train, and she's busy promoting the song "All the Ways". The video – where a girl falls in love with a human-sized teddy bear and spends a romantic day with it in New York City – just dropped too and her PR have been pushing the promo. But the press release for the song is… a lot.
Oddly, it goes into graphic detail about Megan's sex life with new husband Daryl Sabara, including how she's been "smashing bae's junk to smithereens"… erm, okay. Meghan married the actor – lovingly described as "the ginger from Spy Kids" in the release – in 2018 and wrote her song "Marry Me" just 30 days after meeting him.
The explicit press release was shared on social media and soon it went viral. Here it is in all its glory:
MEGHAN TRAINOR - ALL THE WAYS (Official Music Video)
"Valentine's Day is around the corner, and whether you're planning on smashing bae's junk to smithereens or making out with a pint of Phish Food, you need some fresh Valentine's Day bops to get you in the mood for L♡VE. And MEGHAN TRAINOR has got you covered with her new EP, THE LOVE TRAIN [Epic Records.]
"You know you want it. And you can freakin' get it b*tch. On all digital platforms right HERE.
"Meghan's seducing your ears this V-Day, and you know she knows a thing or two about romance. Unless your phone's been broken for a hot minute, you know that Meghan just got married to the ginger from Spy Kids, and trust when we say, girl is feeling the love. She took a break from her busy schedule to record some fire tracks in Los Angeles alongside frequent collaborators and producers Andrew Wells [5SOS, Fall Out Boy, Jason Mraz], J KASH (Maroon 5, Charlie Puth, Kesha) and Tyler Johnson [Harry Styles, CAM].
"We know you want to hear songs about all the hot newlywed sex Meghan and Daryl Sa-BAE-ra are having (did you see what we did there?). Which is why you'll love the banging' single "All The Ways." Billboard was wet for "All The Ways," calling it "another fun, danceable track to fall in love with." And would Billboard lie to you, girl?
"But perhaps the piece de resistance (that's French for "Wig Snatch") is "Marry Me," a romantic acoustic guitar and ukulele-tinged Awww Fest which delivers all the feels (and then more feels). Meghan wrote the song thirty days after meeting Daryl, and it was so good that she walked down the aisle to it. We know, it's a little bit #Vomworthy, but also, am I chopping onions right now or are those tears rolling down my face? I'm not crying, you're crying.
"And as always, our Grammy-Winning, Diamond Single-having QUEEN didn't just come to play -- she came to slay. She's serving vocals on the passionate, Celine Dion-esque power ballad 'After You.' Plus, Meghan's serving your insatiable thirst for dance-ready bops with the upbeat banger that is "Foolish." It slaps so hard you'll be stanning for days. "As if all the PDA, including foot massages, butterfly kisses and piggy back rides aren't cringe worthy enough," says her brother and videographer Ryan... "I've got to film it all!"
"Choo choo betch! The Love Train is leaving the station and you better get on board. Be on the lookout for more surprises very soon as she prepares for a landmark 2019."
A lot of people appreciated just how much time and effort went into writing such a carefully constructed piece of thirst trap literature.
Get you a PR rep who loves you as much as Meghan Trainor’s obviously loves her. This is the best PR effort I have EVER seen. LOVE IT. Never, ever change. 😂😂🤣🤣 https://t.co/CIsOTrnn7L— KimberlyDawn (@KimNYC84) February 16, 2019
Meghan Trainor's PR company pic.twitter.com/i3sv2uyrf1— Jed Flying Fox (@JedFlyingFox) February 16, 2019
Meghan Trainor’s PR agent leaving the office after emailing that horny press release. pic.twitter.com/Xtn9dH5GZO— Kevin Gerard (@KevingerardT) February 16, 2019
Others were extremely confused.
Meghan Trainor’s publicist before sending out that press release pic.twitter.com/FWZ178pQA5— jon (@prasejeebus) February 16, 2019
“It slaps so hard you’ll be stanning for days” is the line from the Meghan Trainor press release that continues to haunt me.— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) February 17, 2019
Who wrote this? A 12 yr old trying to sound like they're older or a 50 yr old trying to sound younger?— momotron first of her name (@DarkMomoSpeaks) February 16, 2019
Every time I read this I find something newly horrifying— Rachel McCarthy James (@rmccarthyjames) February 16, 2019
And some were just shocked she married the actor from Spy Kids.
This feels like an appropriately absurd way to find out Meghan Trainor married the boy from Spy Kids. https://t.co/2lwXafFQwt— Not Seth (@guestofseth) February 16, 2019
The release was actually the work of comedic writer Caroline Goldfarb, who writes for The Late Late Show, so it actually makes more sense.
Proud to announce I ghostwrote this for Meghan Trainor’s team who let me refer to Meghan Trainor’s husband as “the ginger from Spy Kids” https://t.co/vG1PPElFFr— caroline goldfarb (@hairoline) February 16, 2019
Um, can we get on Meghan's mailing list please?