When Will Darren Criss FINALLY Release His Solo Album?
31 January 2018, 16:31 | Updated: 31 January 2018, 16:45
The actor has made a big impression with his latest role in 'The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story'...but we are still waiting for the long-awaited new music to arrive!
Image Credit: Greg Doherty / Stringer, Getty
Dear Darren Criss,
How's tricks? Good. Now - we need to have a serious chat.
Way way back in the halcyon days of 2011, you signed a solo record deal with Columbia. This was a pretty big deal at the time - Glee was still a cultural phenomenon and your character Blaine was fast becoming the breakout character.
Remember your version of 'Teenage Dream'? Of course you do - it sh*t all over the original and the original was already pretty damn awesome.
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You also had a loyal fanbase from your EP 'Human' and your Starkid productions, most notably A Very Potter Musical, featuring catchy tunes like 'Stutter', 'Not Alone' and 'Granger Danger'.
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HP and musical theatre - the combo we never realised we needed.
Through both these projects you proved yourself to be a charismatic, entertaining performer destined for pop stardom. And so I sat back and waited for your debut album in anticipation, knowing that soon a new global superstar would be gracing us with his brilliance.
Well now it's 2018. And I'm still waiting.
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What has happened here? Your album seemed like an easy win for all concerned and yet years on we are yet to hear of any major progress let alone a release date.
We were given some brief hope last year when you dropped a new EP with your brother under the title Computer Games, including the relentlessly bouncy single 'Every Single Night':
Who doesn't love a sax solo?
Even more promising was the 'Homework' EP out in December, featuring single 'I Don't Mind'.
Again, great stuff!
But my mind still keeps wandering back to 2013 when you headed out on the Listen Up! tour across the US, playing Glee covers, Potter classics and roadtesting new songs.
And what songs they were. 'Any Of Those Things' has a catchy piano hook that would eat the radio and a big singalong chorus with plenty of 'Oh-OHHH' action to belt out in the shower.
Then there's 'Pheromones', a guitar-led pop song about high school love that sounds like a male version of a Carley Rae Jepson song (which is a good thing). It even features a cheeky nod to your Warblers past with an epic acapella breakdown in the second verse.
And who can forget 'Picture Perfect Girl', an uptempo falsetto dream number that makes you sound like Adam Levine but with a less punchable face. Guaranteed hit (pun intended).
So what's going on?
A likely theory is that, being the ever-prolific showbiz triple-threat that you are, you have just been too busy starring on Broadway, filming The Assassination Of Gianni Versace and hanging with Tyler Oakley to find the time to record some tunes.
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But I'm not accepting that as an excuse. Yes, you are pretty good at all that other stuff but this album has the potential to be the next Justified. Why are you denying us of it? This generation needs a Timberlake - don't just leave it to Bieber.
Come on Darren, enough is enough. Get into the studio and lay down a tight 10 tracks, drop it onto iTunes and watch the world explode. You deserve it. And so do we.
Yours impatiently,
James Wilson-Taylor
P.S - Where can i get my hands on a pair of these sick pink wayfarers? Tweet me details.
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