Can You Speak "Riverdale"? A Complete List Of Every Term, Shipname And Fake Brand
17 May 2018, 12:05
All of the keywords you need to know to fit in with Archie, Betty, Veronica and the rest of Riverdale High...
It's hard to imagine life before Riverdale. Ever since the teen drama debuted back in 2017, we've been obsessed with it. Not only has the hit series consistently entertained us with its hilarious script and incredible plot twists but it's also introduced us to an entire new lexicon.
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From its fake brand names to its unique terminology, Riverdale has its very own language. Not only that but every character has their own unique way of speaking. It's amazing. Here are some of the some of the best Riverdale-isms, gathered in one place, especially for you.
American Excess
Like American Express but way more luxurious. It's the go-to bank for the Lodges, obviously.
The Black Hood
You may think that the Black Hood is just your average neighbourhood serial killer but in reality they are so much more. Not only do they seek to cleanse Riverdale of its "lies, secrets and sin" but they are also uncatchable. Well until now. The Black Hood comes in many forms and they've currently all been caught but don't be surprised come season three if one is still on the loose.
Blue & Gold
A student newspaper that Betty and Jughead run and use to expose all of Riverdale's shady shenanigans.
Bosom
Bosom is a normal word but Cheryl uses it more often than a fan fiction writer. Make sure to pepper conversations with it if you want to sound like a true Riverdale local.
Bughead
Betty and Jughead are essentially the Serena and Dan of Riverdale. We are obsessed with them.
Choni
Choni may sound like a pizza topping but they are actually Riverdale's hottest same sex couple. From sharing clothes to breaking each other out of gay conversion camps (more on that later), no love is purer than Cheryl and Toni's.
Daddy
Riverdale law dictates that all teenage girls must call their fathers 'daddy' no matter how dirty or bizarre it may sound.
The Dark Circle
A cult set up by Archie and his friends to protect Riverdale from The Black Hood. It was originally known as The Red Circle before it disbanded and got back together in secret without Archie. Scandalous.
Darkness
It is currently unknown if "darkness" is a widespread Riverdale epidemic or something that only the Coopers possess but Betty, fake Chic and Hal have it in spades. The specifics of it are also unclear but if Betty is wearing a wig, engaging in BDSM or experimenting in webcamming, the darkness is almost definitely upon her.
Falice
FP Jones and Alice Cooper are the greatest "will they, won't they" couple of all time. This is not up for debate.
Five Seasons
The hottest hotel in Riverdale. Why have four seasons, when you can have five?
Fox Forest
Where Kevin goes to cruise even though there is a mass murderer on the loose.
Glamazon
Like Amazon but more glamorous.
Goblin
Popular insult used by Riverdale icons like Cheryl Blossom.
Greendale
Riverdale's neighbouring town. Home to child predator Miss Grundy and the infamous icon Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
Grind'Em
Like Grindr but for Riverdale. Not as popular as cruising in Fox Forest though.
Ho Zone
A strip club that doesn't get as much attention as its name deserves.
Innuendo
A gay club that Kevin refers to as 'tragic'.
[Insert Name]-Kins
It is commonplace in Riverdale to add '-kins' to the name of anyone you love or feel some sort of affection for. Archiekins and Daddykins are notable examples.
Jingle Jangle
Jingle Jangle may sound like a long lost demo from a Mariah Carey Christmas album but it is actually a highly addictive elicit substance. Not sure how to fit in when you move to Riverdale? Just reference jingle jangle a couple of times and people will think that you've lived there for years. Don't take any though. To quote Riverdale queen Toni Topaz, it's a "total gutter drug".
Justin Gingerlake
The greatest nickname of all time.
Make Your Bones With Someone
When you take revenge on an enemy. Preferably by killing them.
Night Jogging
The Riverdale term for cruising, which is still a thing even though Grind'Em exists.
Papa Poutine
Not a term either but we've included it because it's arguably the greatest character name of all time. Bonus points if you remember that his son is called Small Fry.
Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe
The place where 99.9% of Riverdale's drama goes down. Grab a milkshake and watch it unfold.
The Pussycats
Riverdale's answer to Destiny's Child. Formerly led by underrated superstar Josie but now fronted by Veronica.
River Vixens
A cheerleading squad so iconic that they have outfits for funerals as well as traditional performances.
Rosie
Stop sleeping on Reggie and Josie.
Seduce Scarlett
A lipstick shade that Betty begins wearing as soon as she starts to embrace the darkness within her.
Sisters of Quiet Mercy
The local nunnery that specialises in gay conversion therapy.
Southside Serpents
Riverdale's prime gang led by FP Jones. All other criminal organisations found rotting.
Sticky Maple
How gross Riverdale boys slut-shame Riverdale girls by posting photos of them on social media with a maple leaf photoshopped over them. That is until Betty and Veronica take them down with some badass help from Ethel.
Sweetwater River
The body of water that separates Riverdale and Greendale. Also the site where murdered king Jason Blossom's body was found in Riverdale's debut episode.
Vanity Flair
Vanity Fair but with more flair.
Varchie
Veronica and Archie are teen royalty. Brangelina died so that Varchie could live.
Video Gigolo
Included because "a video gigolo, a webcam boy, a cyber trick" is arguably the best phrase ever uttered on TV.
Weirdo
A derogatory term that Jughead has reclaimed so that weirdos no longer feel ashamed of their weirdness.
