13 Reasons Why: Read Hannah Baker's Reasons Not To Kill Herself
25 May 2018, 15:20
"He will also think it's his fault, and it isn't."
If you've made it to the final episode of 13 Reasons Why season two, you'll remember the scene after Hannah's funeral when her mother, Olivia, hands Clay a list Hannah made of "reasons why not" to end her own life.
Olivia makes the discovery on an old computer at the pharmacy after the trial. On the list, Hannah writes eleven reasons - "just two short" as Olivia notes - to keep living.
On the list, Hannah lists her parents ("they will blame themselves") and hopes for her future ("New York: I could get there someday" & "Writing: I might, might write something great one day"). Clay also features on the list twice.
"He will also think it's his fault, and it isn't", Hannah writes. "He'll think he could have saved me. But we can't save people, not that way at least — it's more complicated than that." Then, referring to Clay's nickname Helmet, which Hannah gave to him, she writes, "[he's] a genuinely good guy. And I genuinely like him. And maybe we're supposed to be together. Don't know. But maybe. If I go, we'll never find out." Given Clay's journey in season two to understand why Hannah killed herself and deal with his own feelings of guilt, it's a heartbreaking reminder of the missed opportunity between the two characters.
Read Hannah Baker's 11 "Reasons Why Not" below:
Mom and Dad: They will blame themselves, and it's not their fault.
New York: I could get there someday. If not college, then after college. And maybe I could start over there.
Clay: He will also think it's his fault, and it isn't. He'll think he could have saved me. But we can't save people, not that way at least — it's more complicated than that.
Writing: I might, might write something great one day. Get it published. Even be a writer. Seems unlikely — but possible.
Dad: Loves me without question. Always wants what's best for me. Even though I'm mad at him, it would be unfair to him to leave.
Mom: I don't know if she could live through it. She is always so on edge already. But maybe that's already my fault. I know she loves me — I wish she knew that I knew.
Mom and Dad: Worked so hard to give me a better life. Would be letting them down.
Helmet: Is a genuinely good guy. And I genuinely like him. And maybe we're supposed to be together. Don't know. But maybe. If I go, we'll never find out.
Maybe: Someday I could make a difference in someone else's life.
Maybe: I'll have a kid of my own one day, and maybe she could be that someone else.
Maybe: It's not as bad as I think it is. Maybe it will get better.
If you're affected by any of the issues discussed in 13 Reasons Why, head to 13reasonswhy.info.