15 Struggles Of Being The Only Friend Who Hates "La La Land"

23 January 2017, 16:07 | Updated: 8 May 2017, 17:09

la la land
James Wilson-Taylor

By James Wilson-Taylor

Must we make a song and dance number out of everything?

It's the movie everyone is talking about - the magical, uplifting cinematic experience with a poster containing more stars than a 2016 "In Memoriam" reel. But not everyone is so enamoured by the musical adventures of Emma and Ryan...

So, if you are one of those people who is left wondering what all the fuss is about, we sympathise and we know exactly what you are going through. Here's a few of the problems we've been encountering now that all of our friends love La La Land:

1) Going on a car journey is suddenly a nightmare.

Giphy: La La Land

Guys, sit down, this is seriously unsafe. Don't distract the driver dammit! "Carpool Karaoke" was one thing but jumping out of the sun roof during rush hour traffic is just ridiculous

 

2) And don't even think about trying to go hang out at the pool.

Giphy: La La Land

The lifeguard is staring, can you at least change out of your suit before you dive in? It looks expensive, plus you've probably just wrecked you iPhone in the water. At the very least, your headphones in your back pocket will be f*cked.

 

3) Even walking down the street is now a piece of performance art.

Giphy: La La Land

Why do you have to be so extra? You better not do this when we get to Wetherspoons or we'll defo get kicked out.

 

4) Your Facebook timeline is full of your favourite YouTubers posting cover versions of the tracks.

Giphy: wifflegif

Dammit, now we've got 'City Of Stars' stuck in our head all over again! Do we have to hide offline until this all blows over?

 

5) Everyone thinks that learning piano from scratch is a great idea and insist on performing for you.

Giphy: La La Land

Yes, Gosling nailed it but you can't get through 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' atm. Call me when you've passed your Grade 4 (and we expect a Merit level mark as a minimum).

 

6) Every theatre in town is suddenly all booked up with your friends' one-woman shows about being a waitress/aspiring actress...

Giphy: La La Land

Be a good mate - don't make your buddies come watch you perform. We love you so we'll be supportive but you know we don't wanna be there. It's like we are reading your diary or something and we just don't need that info.

  

7) Everyone leaves the pub early so they can go and dance in front of the local observatory before the sun sets.

Giphy: La La Land

Doesn't look quite as effective when there's a group of 18 couples doing it all out of sync though. God help us all when Strictly comes back on TV...

 

8) Your crew all book Hamilton tickets but leave you out 'cos they think you hate musicals now.

Giphy: Tony Awards

I was the one who got you hooked on the soundtrack in the first place! You have such short memories!

 

9) Your bff suddenly decides your joint birthday night out has to be at a jazz piano bar.

Giphy: La La Land

We live in Croydon - where the f*ck are we supposed to find a jazz bar? And no, karaoke is not a "happy compromise".

 

10) You have to hear endless excuses about how they "weren't meant to be perfect singers - they are just regular people falling in love through the magic of song, that's the entire point"!

Giphy: hollywood.com

That excuse didn't work for Pierce Brosnan in Mamma Mia and it doesn't work now. Sorry.

 

11) Your other half suddenly thinks Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone are the ultimate in relationship goals and that you need to catch up.

Giphy: La La Land

He literally leaves her alone to go off on tour with John Legend for a year - if I did that, I'd be dumped in a week. And (spoiler alert) there isn't even a happy ending!

 

12) Everyone insists on telling you all their favourite spots in LA despite having never gone outside of the M25 and its surrounding area.

Giphy: La La Land

Oh really? The "Chateau Marmont" serves great burgers? Well McDonalds is right here so stop talking and let me finish my lunch in peace.

 

13) Your classmates have started an online petition, aimed at your drama teacher, to make La La Land the "end of term musical".

Giphy: La La Land

There's only two characters in it?! How is that gonna work? There's 28 people in our Drama class alone! There's a reason everybody does Oklahoma and Grease on a rotation every two years - it's so everybody gets a part. Even the rubbish people.

 

14) There's talk of holding an Oscars Party even though you live in the UK and it doesn't start to like 1am.

Giphy: La La Land

Please don't make me stay up till 4 just to hear an acceptance speech by a producer you've never heard of. Plus Moana should take home Best Song anyway. Or "Heathens"...

 

15) But, worst of all, everyone thinks that YOU are the crazy one for not liking it in the first place.

Giphy: La La Land

Fine. We're crazy. Just don't drag us to the cinema again, we beg you.

La La Land is in cinemas everywhere now but you already knew that.

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