Riverdale finally revealed Alice and FP's backstory and everyone is in their feelings

9 November 2018, 23:58 | Updated: 10 November 2018, 00:08

We all knew that Alice Cooper and FP Jones had a very intense relationship back in the day, but we didn't know a single detail about it - until now.

Riverdale season 3 took us all the way back to the '90s this week with the episode to end all episodes: the parent flashback episode. The Breakfast Club homage spilled the tea on the parents in high school, threw in some cosplay, a dead body and a musical number for good measure BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY we finally got the history lesson we've all been waiting for: Falice 101.

Ever since that first encounter between Alice Cooper and FP Jones in season 1, episode 10 (32m 33s, if you're wondering), it's clear that there was a deep history between the two. Of course, as the episodes went by, aspects their past relationship became clearer and clearer and later came to a head when it was revealed that FP was the father of Charles, the son Alice gave birth to when she was in high school. (A real wig moment for the early Falice truthers out there who called it back in season 1.)

But what the hell went on between the two of them in high school? Were they a couple? Was it a one time thing? How does Hal factor into all of this? Why do I even care about Hal? Was she with both at the same time or not? Well, we finally out what happened and why they parted on such bad terms and honestly, it's really god damn heartbreaking.

In the episode, Alice tells Betty everything from their fateful Saturday detention in junior year of high school - and when I say everything, I mean e v e r y t h i n g. Here's how the story goes:

Alice was a hot as shit Southside serpent bad girl and FP was the hot as shit BMOC who was trying to get out of the Southside. There's the first plot twist of this whole saga - while the pair grew up together on the Southside, Alice was a Serpent before FP ever was.

Prior to their detention, it's established that Alice and FP have been seeing* each other (*getting it in at every given opportunity.) Alice later finds out that she's pregnant with his baby. Important to note: at this point, she's not with future serial killer Hal and was already pregnant when she got with him. GLAD WE CLEARED THAT UP.

At the time Alice finds out she's with child, the two are not exclusive in anyway shape or form, they're just "fooling around" (in FP's words) but it's pretty clear that Alice is like, all in, despite how much she says she hates him because he got with a Vixen. But as they spend more time together in detention over the next month or so, they grow a lot closer and FP admits that he could see something more happening between them.

Things seem to be going well until the Principal falls out of the store room, dead as a result of that weird ass LARPing party. The group pledges to never speak of the events of the past month again and decide to cut off all contact with each other.

Not wanting to go back to her Southside life, and no longer able to be with FP because of The Pact, Alice ditches the leather and goes off with future serial killer Hal to live a lie as Northside Alice™ while FP reluctantly trades in his Letterman for a Serpent jacket and a drinking problem. Oh, and that's the other thing we learn: Alice and FP were never in the Serpents together either. Not even for half an hour. (Hello? Is that the police? Yes, I'd like to report a robbery.)

The saddest thing though? We learned that FP's aspirations were literally all Alice ever wanted - to get out of the Southside. A goddamn missed opportunity if I ever did see one.

While most of their history was just as we thought it was, fans are in their feelings about the whole thing; some disappointed at how short their relationship actually was and some just sad because they were both too stubborn to do anything about their feelings toward one another.

And there you have it. Not what some people were expecting. Not the great epic romance that some believed it to be. Short yet passionate, a very very thin line between love and hate but also absolutely obvious that they were soulmates who both wanted each other more than they would have ever liked to admit.

BUT ANYWAY, as tragic as their backstory turned out to be, adult Falice is together (for now) and they're thriving (in secret) (until Edgar shows up and Gladys comes back) (and until their kids find out) so here's hoping they have better luck this time. BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT. DO YOU HEAR ME?

Here... have a gif of current day Falice. You're welcome.