FP Jones is the new Sheriff on Riverdale and the thirst is out of control

25 January 2019, 19:55 | Updated: 25 January 2019, 20:06

Katie Louise-Smith

By Katie Louise-Smith

FP Jones is the new Sheriff? Wow. Suddenly I love breaking the law and doing crime.

Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our Lords and Saviours, the Hot Dads of Riverdale™? Of course you do, why else would you be here? Take a seat, we've got a lot to discuss.

As loyal followers of the most prestigious club in Riverdale, you'll probably already be aware that there have been some BIG developments within the Hot Dads club recently and we need to talk about them. Episode 10, ('The Stranger') was a key episode for the dads. While our beloved Tom Keller was tragically absent, both Fred Andrews and FP Jones were at the top of their game (with brilliant performances from both Luke Perry and Skeet Ulrich too).

Who shot Hiram Lodge on Riverdale? Here's all the main suspects

Anyway, this episode saw Fred confront and threaten (exiled Hot Dad) Hiram again and also saw FP Jones join forces with the younger Serpents to catch the Gargoyle King, make a citizen's arrest and get appointed as the new Sheriff of Riverdale.

OH. YES. FP JONES IS NOW THE GOD DAMN SHERIFF AND NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN MORE PERFECT.

FP Jones is now the Sheriff on Riverdale
FP Jones is now the Sheriff on Riverdale... WHEW! Picture: The CW

"But wait, how did the previously incarcerated body disposal expert and love of my life Forsythe Pendleton Jones Jr end up as the actual Sheriff of Riverdale?!" Well, it's all thanks to Hermione Lodge, our wonderful Mayor of Riverdale.

In the episode, Hiram tells Hermione that it's time they appointed a new Sheriff. He tells her that it will be Claudius Blossom (you know, so he can continue with his corrupt dealings and carry on flying under the radar of the law.) Hermione, who has finally officially had it with Hiram's threats, decides to set her own plan into motion instead. Later in the episode, we find out that Hiram has been shot and Claudius has been oh-so-conveniently killed just in time for Hermione to call FP where she tells him that she thinks "it's time." Time for what, exactly? TIME FOR THE THIRST LEVELS TO RISE, BOYYYY.

via GIPHY

Hermione Lodge appoints FP as the new Sheriff, giving us the greatest gift we could have ever hoped for. At the end of the episode, we see a squad car rolling up to Sunnyside trailer park with sirens blaring. Out hops FP who swaggers on up to the Serpents, leaving all other Sheriffs dead in his wake and everyone else absolutely ~sweating~ over his new position in town.

"Sheriff Jones now, boy!"

Suddenly I am into crime.

Sheriff Minetta WHO!?

Bring back Sheriff Keller too, you cowards! Let us have both!

The wink? WE ALL FELT IT.

Hello, is that the Riverdale Sheriff's Department? Yes, I would like to turn myself in. I am the Gargoyle King.

New official ranking of FP's aesthetics: 6) Teen Jock FP, 5) Pop's FP, 4) casual plaid shirt FP 3) Serpent jacket FP, 2) Serpent jacket FP wearing glasses, 1) SHERIFF 👏 FP 👏

Now everybody say, THANK YOU MAYOR LODGE.

Riverdale has peaked.