35 hilarious Riverdale quotes that prove it's the wildest show on TV

31 January 2019, 17:28 | Updated: 1 February 2019, 08:54

By Sam Prance

A comprehensive rundown of the wackiest lines in 'Riverdale'...

It's no secret that Riverdale is the wildest show on TV right now. Ever since The CW teen drama first aired back in 2017, fans have been shocked and transfixed by its relentless twists and turns. Every single episode, Riverdale gives us something new and unexpected. From floating babies to The Black Hood and jingle jangle to The Gargoyle King, there is no place quite like Riverdale.

However, it's not just the series' plot that we are obsessed with. Riverdale would be nothing without its unique script and the way that its cast deliver their lines. Time and time agin, Archie, Betty, Cheryl, Jughead, Veronica and the rest of the Riverdale gang all bless us with some of the most bizarre and legendary lines we've ever heard in the history of television. The show is a work of art.

Check out the most iconic 'Riverdale' quotes below.

The funniest 'Riverdale' quotes
The funniest 'Riverdale' quotes. Picture: The CW

With that in mind, it's no surprise that fans regularly gather together some of the funniest ones online. And there's no Twitter account quite as iconic as No Context Riverdale (@nocontextrvd), which regularly preserves the funniest moments from the series for eternity online. Taking that into consideration, here are 33 of the wildest quotes Riverdale has ever come up with.

1. Just to get a sense of the show.

Relatable, right?

2. Petition to turn all nunneries into brothels.

Hiram is not half the business man he thinks he is.

3. Never underestimate the importance of fizzle rocks.

If you know, you know.

4. Archie has been through it all.

I think we've ALL survived a bear attack.

5. In this scene Riverdale imploded on itself.

We're still trying to understand the logic of this one.

6. Veronica laying out some important ground rules.

Don't you just hate when your boyfriend spends more time with your Dad than you?

7. Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Breakfast at Spiffany's was such a good film.

8. The true essence of Riverdale lies in this quote.

R.I.P. Papa Poutine. Gone but not forgotten.

9. Alice Cooper really snapped on this one.

Hal is a flop.

10. Jellybean Jones is a savage.

Yes Jellybean Jones is called Jellybean Jones. And what about it?

11. Who else could come up with quips like this?

Write this on my gravestone.

12. Betty really came through here.

The Gryphon Queen outsold the Gargoyle King.

13. Give Cheryl all of the awards.

Nothing but respect for MY serpent queen.

14. This was actually really emotional.

Varchie: Endgame > Avengers: Endgame.

15. Farmies can I get an amen?

Still don't trust this Evelyn Evenever chick.

16. A common phrase.


17. A moment of appreciation for Juniper and Dagwood.

Young legends.

18. Toni Topaz spilling all the tea.

Jingle-Jangle labs are more widespread than you think.

19. Don't lie. You've thought this one before.

This applies to all of the Hot Dads of Riverdale.

20. Mood boards. Murder boards. Same difference.

A necessity really.

21. Justice for Hot Dog.

An underrated king.

22. This line is pure poetry.

Better than Shakespeare.

23. Great entrepreneurial advice.

This wisdom is how Veronica successfully manages her own Speakeasy at the tender age of 16.

24. Not weird persay but showstopping.

She is the mother I never had.

25. Back to the nuns.

Not enough series feature morally corrupt nuns these days.

26. Everyone owns a bow and arrow.

Essential items.

27. Normal nine-year-old hobbies.

You know how it is.

28. Not a quote but this sequence was quite something.

Have you never done a strip tease to 'Mad World' in front of a biker gang and your mum?

29. Also not a quote but you're welcome.

A guide to putting an end to sticky maples.

30. Riverdale invented feminism.


31. Multiple times.

Gloria Steinhem is shaking.

32. For the outfit and the delivery.


33. This was truly bonkers.

It was a dream sequence to be fair.

34. At least Riverdale is self-aware.


35. And last but not least.

I don't fit in. And I don't want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird.