A Fan-Favourite Character Just Returned To "Riverdale" And Everyone Is Losing It
3 May 2018, 15:16
A very familiar made made their grand return to Riverdale amongst all the chaos between the Bulldogs and the Serpents.
Over the past few episodes, it's become clear that Riverdale is not going to give us room to breathe. After an intense couple of episodes, the Black Hood's reign of terror will not let up and he returned this week to create even more havoc on the town.
A lot of stuff went down in this week's episode. Betty was battling with the terrifying thought that her dad, Hal Cooper might be the one behind the murders. Twirly moustache villain Hiram Lodge was back on his bullshit and Fangs Fogarty found himself in a lot of trouble. (By the way, anyone who came here looking for Choni or some kind of follow up to last week's emotionally draining Falice scene, you are not in luck.)
BUT, there was one huge plot twist in this week's episode and it arrived in the shape of one particular fan-favourite character who made an iconic return to Riverdale causing eeeeeveryone to lose their minds. Shall we break down the episode? Ooooh, go on then!
After splitting up with his Sugar Daddy Hiram, Archiekins sets off on a mission to campaign for his unproblematic dad Fred Andrews in his bid to become the town's mayor. He's got leaflets, he's got badges but most importantly of all, he's got MERCH. But, as always with that boy, he's not actually doing it to benefit his dad. Turns out, he was doing it so he could stare into the eyes of every man living in a 3 miles radius - he's doing it to try and identity the Black Hood.
When Hiram catches wind of Archie's door-to-door campaigning, he is NOT happy about it. Instead, Big H suggests that Archie send out a bat signal and reform the Dark Circle, which will be supported by the newly appointed Sheriff Minetta (handpicked by Hiram, of course). You can already tell that this is going to end badly, can't you?
In other news, something is stirring inside of Baby Cooper. Nancy Drew has only just clocked that there's reason to be suspicious about her father being the Black Hood. We've all been here since October, but go off Betty... Anyway, B reluctantly strikes up a convo with her parents over breakfast, laden with loaded words, hints and side-eyes toward her father but Hal is either clueless or playing a VERY sinister game of pretending like he ain't care because he just sits there and... smiles. (Side note: Alice literally looks how I feel rn. Give me and Mama Coop a break, please. A spa day will be nice. With FP in attendance also x)
For some reason, B still has not confided in Jughead about ANY of this. Instead, she confides in Cheryl because obviously, if anyone knows what's like to have a murderous lying ass rat for a father, Cheryl does. For once in her life, Cheryl comes through with the soundest advice anyone has ever given in Riverdale. Per Cheryl's advice, Betty breaks into her father's desk at the Register and scans his entire diary. Sure enough, the sleuth proves that Hal has been conveniently busy or out of town when all of these murders took place. INCREDIBLY SUS!
There's good news for Team Lodge - Veronica's iconic scam on Nick St Clair has apparently boosted her clout in the New York Mafia Family Associates group chat. The Mafia Princess - which I'm sure was a nickname I used on MySpace back in the day - is being sent five tributes suitors whose parents are looking to make 'business or political alliances' with Hiram and Hermione. Lucky her! I hope they all bring useful gifts that represent their district as a peace offering!
One by one, the members of One Direction suitors hop into a booth at Pop's to be interviewed by Riverdale's very own host of NBC's The Apprentice. In the end, Elio, whose family owns a chain of casinos, wins. After being so rudely shut down by her father, Veronica takes matters into her own hands, gets a lawyer (come through Attorney McCoy) and makes a deal with the money she copped from the St Clair's. WE LOVE A RESOURCEFUL LEGEND!
Later in the episode, Veronica's plan is shut down completely by Hiram who puts all that hard-earned money into a trust fund that Veronica won't be able to touch until she's 21. And after he forces Hermione to stay in the mayoral race, Veronica leaves, pledges allegiance to the Andrews campaign and then has sex with Archie just because. CLASSIC RIVERDALE.
Still reeling from Midge's death, Moose reveals that he had an argument with Midge before she was killed because she was hooking up someone else behind his back - a serpent! Oh no! How scandalous! All the boys gets angry and stomp their way across the school to find the Serpents. They start beef. NEXT.
Fangs confides in Jughead because Juggie got footage of him and Midge backstage. Unfortunately, that footage is now in the hands of Hiram Lodge's newly appointed Sheriff bitch. Not ideal. Jughead then confides in FP because with that information in Hiram's hands, the Serpents are TOAST. FP is stressed but my man is ready to fight.
After someone leaks the footage on the Register website (*cough* HIRAM!), Fangs is arrested and the Dark Circle, now being led by Reggie, start vandalising shit outside the Whyte Wyrm. But Archie wasn't there, so he's all like, "WTF are you lot doing?!" Turns out, Hiram is paying them for their services. Go figure! Told you this wasn't going to end well.
After obtaining enough information to start accusing her dad of homicide, Betty decides to... not do that. Instead, she sits them down and lays EVERYTHING out of the table. She reveals everything about the phone calls from the Black Hood. She reveals the things the Black Hood made her do. But neither parent believes her.
Alice is low-key worried and Hal sees it as the perfect opportunity to play the "darkness" card. Do they both think that she's... having an episode? Why don't they believe her? WHY WON'T THEY LISTEN TO THEIR DAUGHTER? ALICE? PLEASE? I TRUSTED YOU.
Betty needs more info, so she finds Hal's bank statement and realises he's still paying rent on that BNB he's been staying at. So she calls Cheryl, and breaks in. And what should they find? The exact same Nancy Drew code-breaking book that was used as the cipher in Betty's letter from the Black Hood. SHOOK! She confronts him about it and he says it was a "gift for her birthday." But she's not having it, so she calls him again and asks him to meet her at the town hall, alone. Will he turn up?
Strap in because it's time for the big debate. Hermione, who I'm still not sure I trust, has been shook over this whole Town Hall Mayor Debate gig because she's neck and neck with Fred in the polls. Unfortunately for her, Hiram has a plan - he points out that he already owns the Register and the Sheriff's office but his precious little prison isn't gonna get built unless they own the Mayor's office too. So guess what Hermione, you're doing this debate whether you like it or NOT. Daddy's got a plan and he doesn't care who dies or what needs to be done in order to win.
Fred and Hermione take to the stage with Alice as the moderator - why she's not running herself, I'll never know. It takes all of 25 seconds for Hermione to drag Fred for filth and reveal that Archie started the Dark Circle. HOW DARE SHE!? But all that is cut short because there's a man with a gun in the town hall. The Black Hood does not like free and fair elections! No one dies though. The BH clearly doesn't have a great aim. SAD!
AND NOW FOR THE BEST PART OF THE EPISODE: EVERYONE'S FAVOURITE SERPENT BOYFRIEND RETURNS...
While the Black Hood is shooting at... nothing, Jughead and Attorney McCoy are trying to get Fangs out of jail. Good news - there's a loophole! Bad news - there's a huge protest outside. Jughead returns home to let FP know what's going on and GUESS WHO'S BACK ON HIS BULLSHIT? Joaquin DeSantos, who we last saw leaving town on a bus to San Junipero. He's back! And he's going to help Fangs escape! He's got a place in San Junipero so he's clearly doing alright for himself and he's going to take Fangs there with him to lie low! Yay! (By the way, the thought of FP being in contact with Joaquin this whole time warms my cold dead heart.)
Hiram hears the news and riles up Reggie. Fangs is released but there's literally no way for him to leave the station without getting hurt. The serpents surround him as he leaves while Reggie - who is on a MAD one - stalks behind them with a god damn gun in his pocket. Archie clocks it. He chases him down and tackles him to the floor.
And then there's a gunshot. Fangs has been shot in the stomach. Archie and Reggie are left lying on the floor with the gun in both their hands and my wig is no where to be seen.
As we suspected, Hal doesn't show up. She's left his own daughter on her own in the middle of the night at the town hall where he KNOWS there's just been an attempted shooting. Get him out of here, now.
At Thornhill, Cheryl is doing a light spot of reading when someone knocks on the door. She makes the mistake of opening it before asking who the bloody hell it is (fatal mistake) and OH, WHADDYA KNOW... it's the Black Hood. Cheryl screams. Fade to black. Cut to me staring at my reflection in the blank screen of the laptop. I'm gagged. Truly.
And that's that! Will Hal ever show up to meet Betty? What if that dead body Betty went to see in the morgue was her REAL brother? Will Veronica get her casino back? Who shot Fangs? Did that bullet really come from Reggie's gun? DID HIRAM GIVE REGGIE A GUN? It's gonna be a looooong week waiting for those answers...